Montreal is NOT PARIS

After a recent trip to Montreal for my 40th birthday, a good friend of mine said that her husband suggested they should go to Montreal because it's close and it's just like Paris. Ok, I'm prejudice here since Paris is one of my favorite places in the world, but with that said, I would like to dispel ANY possible rumors of this being true. Sorry buddy, you're not getting out of taking your wife to Paris that easily. Or to put it plainly, as my half-Texan side might say, Montreal ain't Paris. Not near!

Yes, they both speak French, have a Notre Dame, a Latin Quartier and a Metro. You will walk your ass off (literally) in both of them, but that's about it when it comes to the similarities between these non-twin cities.

This Notre Dame is not THE Notre Dame.. sorry!

Don't get me wrong, it is completely confusing when you cross the border from New York State and, Poof!, everything is in French. Some signs have English subtitles but for the most part, better brush up on your parlez Francais.

Speaking of parlez, I made the wonderful discovery that the French lessons I had been prepping with for months on the iTunes Earworms series did a wonderful job of teaching you how to ask for things. UNFORTUNATELY understanding the answer to those questions was a bit of a problem. For example, Ou' les toilettes, s'il vous plait (where is the toilet please), generally netted something equivalent to "blah bleeb bloob, we? (in a French accent). To which my normal reply was, "Um, parlez vous Anglais, s'il vous plait." Which would net a response in perfect Canadian inflected English of, "Down the hall on the left," only thing missing was the "eh?" Argh! Ok, so note to self, before I go back to Paris, make sure I get the Earworms version with BOTH the questions and the answers. Mon dieu!

Back to the discussion at hand, to compare Montreal to Paris actually does a disservice to Montreal. It's too high to reach for this lovely, significantly smaller, yet fun city. Montreal has a fantastic network of neighborhoods, all distinct in its own way. The Latin Quarter, where we stayed, had a good, funky bohemian/artsy quality to it, and tons of restaurants. The Village is a gay zone in both the noun and adjective definitions and even during the middle of the day there was no mistaking it for somewhere else. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Old Town Montreal has a historic, albeit EuroDisney feel to it, with a nice assortment of restaurants/street performers and artists. Just don't go to The Spaghetti House and expect a long meal. We ordered. I went to the bathroom and the food was there when I got back to the table. Huh? Now, I'm usually a very fast person in the bathroom, but I had the distinct feeling that I might have gone down the rabbit hole for longer than I thought. Turns out I didn't. However, I made sure the bottle of Pommery champagne lasted quite a bit longer at the Maske bar later that night. Probably a better trade off timewise.

Here's what you won't find in Montreal that is fairly common in Paris. There's more than three artists in Montmarte (where street artists are in Paris, but the prices are much steeper than the ones in Old Town). Nearly every corner has a cafe and boulangeries/patisseries for key refueling along the eight hour a day, Bataan Walking Death March you set out on at the start of every morning. The sidewalks don't roll up if there's a rainstorm. In fact you encourage rainstorms in Paris. As Audrey Hepburn said in Sabrina, "Get yourself a good rain, it's when Paris smells its sweetest," because of the chestnut trees.

On the other hand what you won't find in Paris but will find in Montreal -- people speaking French who are kind and helpful. No, not every Parisian is mean. That said, I like the French snotty attitude, it keeps you on your toes and it's part of the game to brace for condescending nose raising when you get there. In fact, I was so ready for it that my hands started shaking the first time I uttered a French phrase our the hotel (l'auberge...whatever!). Come on, I had been practicing for months and had some performance anxiety. So it was REALLY confusing to have people being nice when you decimate their language of choice or just look at them like a half-wit when they answer your precise question.

In Montreal, you can find real rollercoasters, THE circus (Cirque du Soleil is based there) and a summer Olympic facility right in the middle of the city (all accessible by Metro). You can also find rental bicycles all over the city -- a program called Bixi where you can pick them up and drop them off all over town. Of course this requires you to actually rent them -- which for some reason we never quite got the timing right on.

Montreal is a great city for a long weekend with a "touch" of France. But alas, it is not Paris, should not be mistaken as such and REALLY should be explored on it's own merits alone.

Bon Voyage!